打雜妹在老之將至一文裡說了一句超經典的至理名言:「成長是一種抽象的感覺,而老化卻是具體事實的呈現。」這種老化的現象的具體表現呢?我以為莫過於忘性越來越好,記性越來越差。一票相逢在彼此的青春裡,目前已同屬前中年期的金家班友人,最近更像是得了傳染病,一個接一個搶著要把這現象具體的發揚光大。
威廉是第一個,忘性好到我常說他得了少年痴呆症。湯姆緊追其後,排第二。金熱鬧向來記性就不好,不列入評比。最近連打雜妹都淪陷了。
一天威廉興沖沖的跟我說:
「我昨天去幫我媽買保養品…」
「你買什麼牌子?」
「這個,那個…糟了,我完全想不起來,是日本品牌,很有名…」
「資生堂?佳麗寶?高絲?植村秀…?」
我把所有我想得到的,日本的,很有名的品牌全數從頭到尾數了一遍,他老兄想不起來就是想不起來。
「不會吧,不是昨天的事而已嗎?」
那天晚上一回到家我立刻收到他的簡訊:資生堂。
我知道他為什麼要馬上傳簡訊給我,因為怕被我笑,所以不想跟我講話;也怕等到下次再碰面,即使只隔一天,他也不會記得的!
另一天我打電話給湯姆:
「喂,我和威廉、打雜妹剛好在你家附近吃飯,你要不要過來,我拿那個OO給你,你順便拿那個XX給我?」
他說:「可是我現正在吃喜酒,不曉得幾點才會散,待會再手機聯絡好了。」
一頓飯還沒吃完,電話來了:
「我差不多吃完了,妳呢?」
「可是我們還沒散也…」
精采的來了:「妳和誰在一起?」
!@#$%…
湯姆還有更好笑的。他前一陣子出了車禍(好笑的當然不是他出車禍這件事,我們還沒那麼沒天良。),我帶了他最喜歡的布丁去看他,當晚他開心得眉開眼笑,還把它寫在部落格裡。事隔沒多久,他說:「有嗎?我車禍妳有來看我嗎?為什麼我完全不記得有這件事?」我說你自己有寫在部落格喔。他說:「所以我才要用部落格寫日記啊。」回家後為了證明我沒鬼扯,我故意去他家留言,就留在那篇舊文裡,白紙黑字,他自己寫的,想賴都賴不掉。他回我話:「咳…妳一定要對一位失智症日益嚴重的人如此苦苦相逼嗎?!」
前一陣子金熱鬧說要去敗美體小舖的保養品,我說我有用不到的折價券,託打雜妹拿給妳吧,妳們比較常碰面。我把折價券拿給打雜妹時,她瞄一眼說:「11月的折價券?還能用嗎?」「看清楚啦,使用期限到11月30也。」我還再三叮囑:「妳要記得在月底前拿給她喔,不要放到過期不能用。」她說:「好啦好啦,妳放心,我會記得交給她的。」隔幾天我有點擔心,再問一次,她說沒問題。日子一天一天過去,我想問,又不好意思;可是又覺得有點怪:金熱鬧拿到後照理說應該會和我打聲招呼才是啊。終於我在msn線上問了金熱鬧:「打雜妹有沒有把折價券拿給妳啊?」她可能不在電腦前,沒回我話,之後我就關機走人。隔沒幾天打雜妹問我:「妳哪有拿什麼折價券要我轉交給金熱鬧啊?」「有啊,我拿給妳時妳還說…我還說…」「有嗎?妳確定?我怎麼完全不記得有這件事?」
所以當686很興奮的跟我說:「阿餅,去看一樣東東,打雜妹那裡有,妳們今天碰面時記得找她拿來看,我今天才跟她說的。」我幽幽的說:「說不定她不會記得帶來,因為她老了。」686問我為何有此一說,我就把折價券的事源源本本又複述了一遍。
等我見到了打雜妹立刻問:「妳把686那東西帶來了嗎?」她說:「嗯…好像有吧?我也不記得了,待會再找找看。」
我們坐下來,打雜妹拿出那東東,我看完、笑完,她把它收到包包裡。
然後金熱鬧也來了,我拿出12月的折價券,打雜妹馬上當著金熱鬧的面說:「說不定11月的我已經拿給妳,而妳忘了。」金熱鬧很尷尬的笑著說:「這也是有可能的,我們完全不敢否認。」
接著我問了打雜妹一句話:「咦,妳把686那東東帶來了嗎?」
SunnyPie
12/15/2004
後記:
故事本來應該到此為止的。
寫到一半時,打雜妹的電話進來了。我就先向她報備:「我正在出賣朋友,要把大家的笑話全寫出來喔。」她說:「幹嘛寫別人的笑話?」「怕忘記啊。」然後她說:「ㄟ,妳知道嗎?我後來有找到那個11月的折價券,真的在我家也。」
我們倆在電話上笑成一團,又講了更多的笑話,我很興奮的說這個那個也都可以寫進去,因為實在真太好笑了。不說了,我要掛了,免得待我會我又忘了要寫什麼…等等,剛才我們說了那個什麼笑話我說要寫進去的?
結果?當然是兩個人都完全想不起來!!!
p.s.不要問我文中那些OOXX是啥…我會跟你說:我完全想不起來了^^"
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COMMENT: 妳舉的例子不夠有力 我自曝一下好了... 我常常在跟人家掛掉電話之後 馬上又打電話回去問對方: 剛剛我們是約幾點?六點還是六點半?
COMMENT: 裝了 adsl 以後 理論上生活工作便利多了 任何時候需要上網心動就立刻行動 可是我每次有事要請示古狗大神 瀏覽器視窗一打開 就忘記要問大神什麼了
COMMENT: 我常匆匆出門後 站在電梯前想起忘記拿東西 跑回家拿出鑰匙開門後 竟然就忘了到底要拿什麼 才短短30秒鐘距離 要不然明明有事要找朋友 打電話給他後 開頭寒喧個一兩句 重點要交代的東西就給他忘了!!! 然後只能不了了之 結果通常在掛掉後就熊熊想起來了.... :'(
COMMENT: 很誠實但十三點的湯姆 會不會正碓答案是七點半? ^^" 女奴啊女奴 那妳會不會打開電腦後,忘了自己要做什麼又把它關掉?我經常明明是要關電腦,還沒等關機作業完畢就把電源關掉。或者已經按了開關,忘了,又再按一次 :p 嘉芙 妳這症頭還算好吧,我曾不小心把apartment說成department,我還有個好朋友要跟人說Happy New Year,卻說成Happy Birthday~"~不過這比較像口誤,不是記憶的問題。 杞人 感謝妳的大笑四聲,證明我們寫的還算傳神。這些事蹟用講的真的會讓一干人笑翻天,下筆時好怕被自己寫得一點也不好笑溜。 親愛的s 慘了,越回越覺得自己的症頭最嚴重,怎麼每個人說的我好像都包了?妳的第一個症頭我也常犯,我經常忘了帶手機出門,有時快出門了想到忘了帶手機,回到房間卻怎麼也想不起來自己是回來拿啥的///
COMMENT: 雖然暫時記性還算可以,可發現自己常常說錯話,比如明明想說"衣服",脫口而出就是"水果";手明明指著左邊,嘴上就說要"轉右",再老下去怎麼辦?
COMMENT: 哈哈哈哈
COMMENT: 看到餅提的口誤讓我想到 上次說了個丟臉至極的口誤, 那就是有名的店名California Kitchen Pizza, 被我唸成 California "Chicken" Pizza... 說出來後大家笑成一團, 我自己後知後覺到過幾秒鐘才發現... 結果不知道為什麼錯過一次就很難再改, 心中明明想的是廚房, 嘴巴唸出來就變成雞....
COMMENT: 哪那麼麻煩 還寫了一大篇 就是 坐著一直睡 躺著睡不著 新的記不住 舊的一直提
COMMENT: 再怎麼樣老之將至,也不要把我忘記,學校開始放假了~ 那個德國人的幾人份實在太有意思了,上個月底才跑去科隆,下次再有機會,一定要試試一人份,呵呵,只是,德文要怎麼點啊?
COMMENT: Dear Robert, 算你狠,講得還真傳神哪~莫非...正是你自己的心路歷程?呵呵,要加油,下回不要再被誤認為是我哥哥了 :p (((各位:咳,這人是我老弟))) Dear rH, 不會不會,我記得你的。今天把你的網頁大致看過,德國科隆我也去過,十幾年前。印象還很深呢... 這也是老了的象徵嗎?新的記不住,舊的...||| 好,我們暫時不提了,有機會再寫^^" 放假要去哪玩?今天去了信義新光三越買早餐,脆皮土司。發現那一帶已經是一片聖誕節的氣氛了。 先預祝你聖誕快樂^^
COMMENT: Welcome to the club. After certain ages, we tend to CHOOSE what to remember unconsciously. It’s ok to put aside something not quite on the top list since we realize we WILL leave one or two behind. I always believe that age is a state of mind. You might feel getting old physically but you’re never too old to feel young mentally. The so called pro middle age could be the begging of another growing. (Not belly! Dude, Put down your chocolate bar) So many things such as the joy of new discovers always can rejuvenate our minds. You can be much younger without remembering everything. mmm, by the way, pie, WHAT’S YOUR AGE?
COMMENT: 外國人: 啊 你別問我這問題啦 上回有個白目的傢伙在知道答案後不出十秒就從這個星球上消失了 什麼?你真的想知道? 來來來 你把耳朵靠過來我就告訴你^^
COMMENT: 10 seconds?? Pie, you let me down. You can do better than that. ok, here are my ears...
COMMENT: 我好無辜喔!被栽贓還口說無憑!
COMMENT: 真稀奇,阿餅昨天晚上破記錄不到12點就刷完浴缸、洗完洗手枱,然後滾到床上喔喔睏。一早醒來發現一堆人半夜不睡覺網路趴趴走的^^ 又真的是老之將至了...前天竟然沒回到s...*.* Dear s, 說到口誤,也不是我們的專利。有個中文很好的外國朋友老是把中文的"香蕉"和"交通"混為一談,所以他會說出"台北的香蕉很可怕"、"台灣的交通很好吃"這樣的經典名言^^ 不怕死的外國人 你真的把耳朵靠過來了? "哇~~~~好痛~~~~~"(←←←有人耳朵被擰到哇哇叫的聲音) 拍謝拍謝,我下手太輕了?!哇哈哈哈。 By the way, you used the word, unconsciously, to express the meaning of 無意識的, which was fine. However, "subconsciously" would be a better word. "unconsciouly" would make me think that you lost your onsciousness... I have to emphasize that there was nothing to do with my violence. ^^ 親愛的金熱鬧小姐 好高興妳來了,我們開始拍拍手列隊歡迎-- 真正高興我見到妳 歡迎! 歡迎! 我們歡迎妳~~~~ (((會唱的請跟著大聲唱喲))) 妳不是無辜啦,是EQ好。這是大家公認的事實:金家班人裡,妳的EQ是數一數二優的,本人最爛,這樣有沒有覺得好一點、很虛榮?!^0^
COMMENT: Ha, ha. I just like to image your twisted expression when I’m reading your response because it makes me laugh. Thanks for guiding me. I hate to admit you’re right about that “subconscious and conscious”. I’ve been thinking why this battle between us started and keeps going. For some reasons, we both got it off on the wrong foot. You might have taken my advices in wrong way. I don’t mean to “white-eye” although I’m quite enjoying it and getting a hang of it. Maybe you can try to make some positive comments on the point of my remark instead of the last line that tries to put readers at ease. I might have robbed you in wrong way sometime. Just laugh if off (but don’t drop anything). You are such open-minded who won’t be bothered by those tiny things. The society needs harmony not chaos. Wouldn’t you agree? Nah…. It just doesn’t sound right to me. I’m just warming up. Besides, your rate won’t be this high without this feud. Audience loves it.
COMMENT: 除了這些以外, 身體一有了異樣, 女生就會想.. 是不是更年期來了!
COMMENT: "advice" 是集合名詞 字本身沒有單複數 也就是說沒有 an advice 或 advices 的用法 只能用 a piece of advice (單數)/ pieces of advice(複數) 和 information 一樣
COMMENT: ◎外國人 I guess you're right. All the "mean" words are just mainly for fun. However, don't you ever try to warm up yet! That'll only get us back to the battle zone again. At that time, I can't guarantee what's going to happen next. Ho, ho, ho~~~ ◎親愛的小醉狗 我還沒想到那裡也。不過想想也快了,聽說現代人所有的生理時鐘(這裡是用這個字嗎?)都有提早的趨勢。生老病死反正都是人生常態,就以平常心對待吧^^"
COMMENT: Somehow this website has turned to a Language Learning site. 女奴, that’s good catch and thanks for enlightening me. I meant exactly what you pointed out. At times I’m confused how to use this word correctly because of laziness. I don’t consider my Language good but here are some advices. (Yes, I’m doing it again.) Advice is usually plural when it means information or notice given, not suggestion. Indeed, “advices” is a word. Pie, unconscious could mean not knowing or perceiving, not aware or free from self-awareness. In other words, “Unconscious” could mean “Unaware”. And that was what I meant. What you say is correct but mine is totally legitimate too. I read that expression quite often. Just some information you may be interested in. Certainly you all have more knowledge about language. And thanks for sharing. Pie, make no mistake. My modesty here is not a sign of the end of our battle. I’m just giving you a break. Enjoy this break. To be continued……
COMMENT: 看了兩位的對話讓我好慶幸,看來我們都還沒完全老化,老之將至距離我們還有好一段距離呢,因為我們還保有一顆追求探索知識的心哪。 老實說,我之前並沒有發現外國人用了advices這個字(沒辦法,我是江湖人稱"大目仔"的餅啊),看了女奴寫的當下覺得真是讚啊,感謝感謝! 然後外國人的回應更跌破我的眼鏡--喂,外國人:我終於能體會你那"從來沒想到可以從恁祖媽身上學到東西"的感受了^^ 因為你的留言,我特地去查了兩個線上字典,Gosh! You're bloody right! Merriam-Webster Online真的有收錄advice當複數形的用法:information or notice given -- usually used in plural。難怪之前那句我看得有點霧沙沙,原來你是要說information這個意思,而不是建議喔 :p However, 我認為這只限於美式英語,因為在英國的劍橋線上字典(Cambridge Dictionaries Online)裡,並沒有收錄這個用法。這是住在英國的女奴和我都不知道的緣故吧(雖然我不住英國,但我沒學過這個用法... 我也不住美國啊^^) 又談到unconscious和subconscious這兩個字也是挺有意思的。為何人稱"大目仔"的我會一看到外國人先前的留言就注意到呢?因為當年我在英國上課時,老師特地強調過這兩個字的不同,不要用錯字。 However(又來了,這是本人愛用字之一,你知為什麼^^), 那天我留言時,也特地查過字典,一查之下又有新收穫:不管是劍橋或Merriam-Webster都收了unconscious用來表達類似中文"潛意識"的用法。我很肯定,這在英式英語裡是新的用法,至少和十年前是不一樣的。所以我之前的留言說了:"which was fine"。只是對我而言,看到這字我還是會一下子聯想到:你是被誰打昏失去意識了嗎?(當然和本人無關^^") 不用介意把這個板變成語言學習板,這板本來就略具此功能(真是講的臉不紅氣不喘啊^^),只是最近不知為何少了些,大概是一些對英語有興趣的朋友最近比較少來了吧。
COMMENT: 外國人: 沒錯,bloody是一個非常英國的字,那是餅當年在英國"撿起來(pick up)"的字。事實上許多在英國的外國學生喜歡這字,因為聽起來好玩,所以有一陣子我們動不動就講:Where're u going? I'm going to the bloody bank / bloody post office / bloody park etc 厚,你太"奷詐"了,原來你還是誤用喔@@所以說,我看你還是去裝一下中文輸入系統好了,不然真的是雞同鴨講的。好佳在的是這個誤用的結果還算有正面效益,噗~ :p 至於我嘛,當然和年齡沒有關係!是時間、時間、時間!時間造成了語言的改變,你也同意的嘛,噗噗~~ :p 嘿嘿嘿,有個用法或許你又誤用了,We American... 我們美國人?...真的可以這樣用嗎?我在講的是文法的問題,不是意識型態的問題喔 ~^.^~
COMMENT: So is "brilliant". English like to say “That is brilliant”. Pay attention when you watch Harry Potter. You’ll hear that expression quite often. “That is bloody brilliant” with English accent is my favorite. As your question, I truly don’t know the answer. I always speak to myself when I type my words down. At times I might miss a comma or punctuation. We SAY “We American like to..” but in writings, it should be “We, American, like to …..”. However, the way I used it is not necessarily incorrect. Please enlighten me again. I tend to stick to the topic 老之將至 by keeping bringing up the keyword AGE. Now our conversation seems way off the track. We need to bring it back. PS: Pie, you should be able to tell I misused “advices” from the context. I just pointed out that “advices” IS a word. And please don't fart.
COMMENT: Hey! foreigner, I didn't fart, ok? "噗" is an expression from cartoon 櫻桃小丸子 as I told you before. Is has a specific, decent meaning, all right? (OS: 恁祖媽我說它有就有^^) Not only "We American..." should be "We, American, ..." Shouldn't it be "We, Americans,..."? Apart from bloody and brilliant, another "English" word I can think of right now is lovely. They just love this word. I like to joke that for the English, almost everything can be lovely. Don't worry about what you talk about on the blog. It doesn't matter that much actually. By the way, happy new year to you! (See, 恁祖媽又在講人話了^^)
COMMENT: Happy New Year to you too and to all of my friends. Zho-Ma, How dare I bid defiance to you!! So, you are damn right on that We-Americans thing. PS: After that trip, I learned a truism from you ladies that “whatever you say is correct; whatever I say is shit”. Yep, repeat this line out load and the truth will come to you.
COMMENT: 外國人 不錯不錯,挺受教的。難得你也講了人話...可是我只說 "恁祖媽我說它有就有",沒說你說的都是shit喔^^ 新年快樂啦 恁祖媽 -----